Getting to know: Julian Parris
Julian Parris is the Director of Development for Core R&D, the department responsible for engineering the data table, jsl scripting, Workflow Builder, Graph Builder, display and graphics, along with many other foundational components of JMP.
This will not be a typical “getting to know” article.
I (Julian) have hijacked (with permission) this “Getting to know” article to share some news that is personal and pivotal in my life's journey, and will have implications for how I work with my colleagues here at JMP. What I’m going to share here is exciting for me, but perhaps quite surprising to you. So, I will get right to it: I am transgender.
There is much I want to tell you and you will find I spared no words below doing so. I have organized this article around questions I expect you are asking. Know that it’s fine you’re asking them. Know that I have asked them of myself, too.
I am aware that some of you reading this have known me for more than a decade, while others have known me only a short time, or perhaps even not yet at all (Hey, nice to meet you!). Some of you reading this will be interested to learn a lot about my transition, and others will want to learn about only how this impacts our work together at JMP. Either, and anything in between, is fine.
The first few questions below address more practical and organizational considerations. If that is all you wish to know, please feel free to stop after those. In the remaining paragraphs of this article I aim to share with you the nuances of this journey and, in the spirit of Mental Health Awareness Month, I will detail some of the personal struggles and reflections that have brought me to this point.
The first and perhaps most important thing I want you to know is that this transition is not about me becoming someone new, but rather is about embracing fully all the parts of who I have been all along. It is a transition, not a transformation; I remain the same person I have always been, and I am inviting you to know more of me.
How can we support you, and are you changing your name or pronouns?
I am not settled on any name change. I am fortunate that the name “Julian” is one I continue to love, and is considered gender neutral by some (“babynames.com” sounds authoritative enough, right?). Friends continue to call me “Julian,” "Jules," “Jae,” and "J," which all feel nice, so please feel free to continue using whatever name you like or already use for me.
The easiest and most immediate way to support me is by using my chosen pronouns, she/her or they/them (you will see me write this as she/they). For example, any of the following feel affirming to me:
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I just spoke with Julian and she’s available to meet at 3 after all.
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Thanks for getting that confluence page together for Jules…I’ll ping them on Teams now so they can review it.
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Did you see that really long article they posted? Wow, J isn’t particularly succinct in her writing, is she?
Please don’t worry if you slip up. It’s going to happen, and right now it’s that you’re making the effort I value. A quick “oops, I meant her” is sufficient, and then move on.
Please know that your support and empathy in this moment are tremendously meaningful to me.
What changes at work can we expect to see as you transition?
In many ways my transition will have little impact on how I approach my work at JMP. There may be some changes in my behavior, but for the most part, who I am is who I have been, so you should not expect to see big changes in how I interact with you. I do realize this will be disappointing news if you were hoping that my transition might soften my famously draconian management style, or inject some levity into my relentlessly humorless demeanor.
The majority of changes you will notice will be in terms of my changing appearance, such as feminizing physical changes you will see develop gradually over time, or my experimenting with how I look and dress. For example, many of you have noticed already that I have been growing my hair out for the last year, and that I’ve incorporated colors into my wardrobe (the colors have been truly shocking, I’m aware).
I treasure both the personal and professional relationships I have with so many of you, and I hope and expect we will continue working together the same way we have been these last 10 years.
What should/can we tell people outside of JMP?
I am open to you disclosing my transition to people outside of JMP, and ask that you handle it with sensitivity and understanding. The most likely place for this to come up will be with users who know me already. If necessary and appropriate, I am happy for you to explain that I am in the process of transitioning, and my pronouns are she/they.
What can we read to understand better?
There is much available online, and a quick search should be able to reveal any specific information you might be interested in. As for workplace-specific content, The University of Washington maintains a nice overview page called: Resources for managers and colleagues of transgender employees. It’s a quick read and provides some useful information.
I think I’m understanding, but can you put this in a software analogy for me?
I have a new version of me® that’s been out for a while among the early adopters, but a big part of the professional user-base is still on the old version of me®, and it’s becoming difficult to support those users, especially as I aim to deprecate certain legacy ways of interacting with the software. This is a self-inflected situation, of course, because up to this point I haven’t make a general announcement that I was working on and had released a new version.
The new version of me® may look a little different, and some of the routines may change, but practically speaking the same functionality (and more) is there, and overall stability and performance has been improved.
And perhaps most importantly, the developers of me® (i.e. me) are going to be more effective (and happy) in their continued development work because this new version is much closer to how I originally wanted to develop the software; in fact, it might have been the plan from the beginning if I had been brave enough to build the me® I wanted rather than the me® I thought the market would accept.
I appreciate you taking the time to read up to this point. As I go on, I will be sharing more personal details about my transition and of my life leading up to this moment.
Were you always like this?
Short answer? Yes.
There is a lot to unpack in this question and it deserves a longer answer, of course.
In various ways, there has always been some sense of disconnect for me between the gender assigned to me at birth and my own internal identification. For a long while I experienced this disconnect and simply tried to suppress it, or deny its significance, aware as I was about the importance of adhering to societal norms. There have also been many moments of quiet exploration, dating all the way back to childhood, that allowed me some early understanding of these feelings. That exploration, although done in safe and private spaces, came with significant and complicated feelings of shame, fear, and doubt.
Looking back at my childhood and teenage years I see that the indications of this internal conflict were unlikely to be noticed by anyone who knew me then. There certainly were not the overt signs one might imagine are associated with some conflict of gender identity, such as preferences for specific toys, clothing, or activities that telegraphed a discomfort or disconnect with gendered expectations or roles.
No, the conflict was personal and internal. It was lonely. It was a sense of subtle otherness and not belonging. It was the persistent fantasizing about waking up the next morning as a girl. It was the interest in women’s clothes and makeup. It was the feeling of being out of place in the hetronormative male role in relationships. It was reliving in my imagination important moments and life achievements as a girl, because for reasons I didn't understand at the time, it felt better, more real, and let me feel proud of myself in a way I didn’t, or couldn’t before.
Yes, I have always been like this.
Embracing a transgender identity isn't about conforming to a new stereotype or fitting into a different societal box. It's a process of aligning with, acknowledging, and integrating a truth about my identity I’ve known, and felt a lot of shame about for quite a long time.
This is a journey far more about self-realization and acceptance than transformation.
I’m having a hard time reconciling this with what I know about you; it just doesn’t seem to fit. Is it wrong of me to feel that way?
There is no way of feeling that I think is wrong, and if you are feeling this way I hope you don’t ignore or suppress it, or even feel bad about it. That said, I do think behaviors can be wrong, and it would be hurtful for someone feeling this way to act to reconcile the disconnect by trying to convince me I’m wrong about my understanding of my identity.
If you are feeling this way, I do want to say that I understand. I really do. And, it’s not surprising to me, either. I learned very early in life how to hide parts of me that I thought were “wrong,” even from those close to me–especially from those close to me. In fact, I became so expert at doing this that I was rather successful, for a while anyway, at hiding those parts even from myself.
Tragically, exercising and honing this skill created distance not just from the parts of me I felt deserved to stay in darkness, but also from the parts of me I wanted to know and be known. The more of her I pushed away, the more of me felt broken. No, it’s not wrong for this to be surprising to you, or for you to have some difficulty reconciling this new information with the person you already know me to be. I spent a great deal of effort to make sure that person you knew didn’t include her, and I did so at considerable personal expense.
I’m having an easy time reconciling this with what I know about you; it just totally seems to fit. Is it wrong of me to feel that way?
There is no way of feeling that I think is wrong, and if you are feeling this way I hope you don’t ignore or suppress it. That said, this way of feeling is awesome and I love it.
In all seriousness though, it feels good to hear this. Part of this journey for me is the work of reincorporating some fractured parts of self. So if there was something about me that felt more feminine, or just different, it feels affirming to hear because recognizing those places where parts of me weren’t so fractured after all is encouraging.
Why didn’t you tell us sooner?
Understanding my gender identity was, and continues to be, a complicated journey. It wasn’t fast, linear, or easy. Over the years, I've gone through many phases of denial, confusion, and shame, or some combination of the three, and am just finally getting glimpses of the emotional peace that comes from moving toward acceptance. There were many moments of questioning if my feelings were even real, and if real, even valid or okay to feel. Why didn’t I tell you sooner? In short, this wasn’t something I could put into words or share because until a few years ago I was still grappling with the tumult of understanding it myself.
What does this mean for your future?
This journey is about living as my authentic self and integrating my inner feelings with my outer expression in the world. This transition will manifest in a few ways.
Socially, I've been in the process of transitioning with close friends and family for some time now. They've been amazing and supportive, and the experience has been affirming.
In the professional realm, I have been looking forward to transitioning with anticipation, but also some trepidation. I am so proud to work with all of you at JMP. From leadership all the way down, it’s clear we are an organization that values diversity and inclusion, and I am lucky that it’s not for worry of acceptance that I have waited until this moment to share with you.
In terms of medical transition, I have started gender-affirming hormone replacement therapy. This therapy has and will continue to result in feminizing changes over time. While this is a significant and noticeable aspect of my transition, it’s just one part of the bigger picture.
This transition, socially, professionally, and medically, is about creating harmony between my internal sense of self and how I am perceived in the world. It's a journey towards comfort, authenticity, and happiness.
How will this impact your relationship with your partner?
I expect the impact to be substantial, as any transition of this magnitude would be. But, I am so fortunate that the impact isn’t going to be negative. Few trans people get so lucky. Margot was the first to know and was, and continues to be, my bedrock of support. Those of you who know Margot at all could have predicted that. Margot is supportive of all of my choices, and is fiercely protective of me.
Are you worried about societal reactions or discrimination?
Yes, it's a genuine concern given the challenges trans people face. I am lucky to live in the Triangle region of North Carolina, and in Durham especially. I do not worry about being able to surround myself with supportive people and communities. But, I am also not in denial about negative reactions and discrimination. It will happen, and at times it’s going to be brutal for me. Being myself is worth facing these challenges.
Can I ask more questions?
I understand that this may be a lot to process, and it’s natural to have more questions. I consider that a good thing, and I am quite open to those questions.
I'd like to ask that you be mindful of how you frame your questions, and to think about why you’re asking them. Please consider how it would make me feel to know the reason why you’re asking a question, because I will. Also, please consider how comments that may feel innocuous, like "I really liked how your facial hair looked," can inadvertently convey a sense of loss or hint that you think it's a mistake for me to pursue a more authentic version of myself. I simply ask for sensitivity in this area. And please remember that this is a moment of celebration for me. I am excited about embracing my truer self and hope that you will join me in this moment of positive change.
Thank you for taking this time to get to know me better.
-Julian (or Jules, Jae, or J)
she/they
Feature StoryRe: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you Julian for sharing this article. I have had the privilege of knowing you for several years now and we are so lucky to have you at JMP and I am so lucky to be able to call you my friend. You add so much to this organization both as a professional but also as a kick ass person. Lots of love and support from your hula hoop/trivia partner 
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Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your story with us, Julian. You shared in an open, vulnerable, and really beautiful way. I celebrate your journey, and will do all that is within my power to ensure that JMP continues to be an inclusive and kind place to work. Here's to moving forward at home and at work in the most authentic way possible!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian thanks for sharing. You are one of my closest friends at JMP. I am happy to be along this journey with you.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJ, you're awesome - much love and support are headed your way!
Very proud to work for an organization that supports being our authentic selves. Thank you for helping pave the way for others.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI'm thrilled to celebrate you! I love knowing more and more about you, and I love your beautiful love and care for others and that you are showing that love and care to yourself by claiming more of your authentic self. You are such a kind and smart and passionate leader, and I'm so glad to call you a colleague and a friend.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisWe celebrate this moment with you, Julian! Thank you for sharing. You are such a treasure, both personally and professionally. We are so happy you are pursuing your full, authentic self.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisLife is so short and precious. So happy to hear that you are living life now as your true authentic self.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI am so very happy and excited for you, Julian. I've always admired your quiet courage and self-knowledge -- qualities that come through beautifully in what you've been so kind as to share with us here. Thank you for being such a wonderful colleague, mentor, and friend.
PS. The me® Early Adopter program was amazing and now that it's out of beta I'm gonna go install that upgrade straightaway.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisFilled with Joy for you. You may know I consider you to be one of the best teachers I know. I respect you for being You, truly the sign of a leader but mostly a good human. (very well written post btw) peace and love my friend.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your story with your JMP family, J. I'm so happy for you and will be here to support you as you continue your journey.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI am so happy for you, Julian. Thank you for trusting us with your story, your journey, your true self.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThis is absolutely beautiful, Julian! I'm filled with love and joy upon hearing this. It's like I get to meet you all over again which is a rare and precious opportunity. Congratulations 
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThis is what I wrote to you last week:
I just talked to Paul Mastropolo (cc), and he said that you may be planning to tell your staff about your transition as early as next week. I want to reassure you that you have my full support to continue in your work, in your leadership role, and in your facing the customer. You have done an amazing job here at JMP, and I look forward to an amazing future.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisCongratulations, J!! Thank you for inviting us to know you better. I absolutely loved your post and I'm so happy for you!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI am so happy for you Julian! It is a privilege to know you and call you my friend.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisCongrats and thank you for sharing your story!!!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, I don't know you personally but I wish you the best in becoming your true self and I have no doubt that the new version of me® will be even better than its predecessor and will be well received by all the stackeholders. I'm sure you'll continue to delight us with your energy, your extraordinary showmanship and your sense of humour, which I thought I detected despite your denials.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisYou are phenomenal Jules, you enrich the lives of those around you, always have, always will.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisIt's awfully handy for us that we can (at least for now) keep saying "Julian".
Wishing you the very best in your journey!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThanks for sharing, Julian! And thank you for your openness and frankness about your consideration about what you expect from others! That will definitely help us adapt smoothly and support you!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, you have always had a way with words. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and trusting us enough to do so. I look forward in getting to know your authentic self more!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you so much for sharing your story, Julian! Some of us have supported family and friends on similar journeys but others are new to it, and I know we all appreciate your grace and kindness in sharing your thoughts. I deeply appreciate all versions of you as a colleague and a friend, and I am so happy for you in feeling the freedom to be your authentic self with us. There are many ways that people hide aspects of their true selves and I believe that your story will inspire others as they seek to be truer to themselves.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing and trusting your JMP family, Julian! I’m here to support you. You rock!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your story with us, Julian! Grateful to know you!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI'm so, so happy for you, J -- and sincerely thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your journey with us. The few times I've gotten to work with you have been a distinct privilege, and I look forward to continuing to get to know your authentic self. Sending all the love and support!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you Julian, truly appreciate you sharing with us. I'm so happy for you. Wishing you lots of love and happiness!!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisSo happy for you to take this next step in your journey of self-discovery and authenticity, J! As someone said in another post - life is to short to not live it to our absolute fullest potential. We are so grateful for YOU! Thank you for sharing your story.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisDear Julian,
Thank you so much for sharing! I was so happy to read that you have a "bedrock of support" at home with a partner who is fiercely protective of you and to see all the love and support here. I am looking forward to getting to know you.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisLife is very short and precious, we only live once.
Thanks for sharing this, admire your courage and I'm one of your fun then, now and forever
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisIf you can't be yourself, what can you be? In a world full of hate, fear, judgement, misinformation, persecution etc etc etc the one thing you can control is who you really are. The JMP family is clearly one where you, and we all feel comfortable, so congratulations on the next phase of your journey and its a good lesson for everyone, just be you!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, Profoundly impressed by your courage in sharing with such openness and vulnerability. Your uncanny intelligence manifest as the ability to understand and communicate things with a clarity that deepens understanding in others continues to be an inspiration for me (and was perhaps the biggest impetus for making me fall in love with JMP the software in the first place, and ultimately leading me to JMP the company). I'm deeply honored to listen to your story here and to participate in a culture that supports your efforts to align your internal and external worlds.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisYou are loved, Julian
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your courageous story! So glad you are taking the steps toward lifelong happiness and fulfillment!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you Julian, appreciate you sharing your story. I'm so happy for you. Wishing you lots of love, happiness and support in your journey!!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisIn awe of your courage and honesty Julian and am happy for you. Very grateful -and proud- to be your friend and colleague.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJules, that post was inspiring! Thank you for sharing in such an amazing way. I'm very proud to be a part of an organization that is a safe space for everyone.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, I am so impressed with your courage and openness in sharing your journey. I wish you comfort, happiness and nothing but the best as you pursue your authentic self!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJules! What an incredibly brave story to share. To know her is to absolutely love and adore her! You make JMP a better place to work and the world a better place to live. I'm proud to call you my friend.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your story, Julian! I celebrate your pursuit of your authentic self. The software analogy resonates and serves as a call to action to reflect on the inclusivity and accessibility of the software we create.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, I am filled with gratitude and support for you. Your post is so brave, smart and funny. I've known the last two qualities about you for a long time, and found out about the first when you were talking about cutting off the end of a toothbrush to reduce the weight of your hiking pack (wow). You've made my day and are an amazing person.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian - Congratulations! The world at large can be a mean place, and it's ever so important to make the world around us into the place we want to live and flourish. Your thoughtful words here that you've shared with us, and the steps you're taking to bring your real authentic self bravely into the work world, is wonderful leadership in your way. Thank you for bravely sharing your story with us and helping make JMP a place we can all always be our best selves.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, congratulations on your courage and thank you for sharing this with us.
Knowing who we really are, accepting ourselves and being in harmony with ourselves is an extremely complicated process for anyone.
I have a lot of respect for the foresight and courage you had to understand, accept and take the step towards your transition. I can imagine how difficult such intimate things must have been to share.
What really counts is to be in harmony with yourself. You can count on my full support
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, I'm so happy for you and had a warm smile in my heart when reading! Thanks a lot for your trust in us and your thoughtful post.
You wrote "in fact, it might have been the plan from the beginning if I had been brave enough to build the me® I wanted rather than the me® I thought the market would accept.". I know many in my closer environment who felt or still feel the same, and your post further encourage me to support them being their true self. I wish it would not be necessary anymore to be brave enough but just live the way one feels. Words like yours may help to change this in the future. Thanks again!
You'll always find an open door in Munich if you need one.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisLife is too short to be unhappy and we are all searching for ourselves and evolving throughout our lives, but some paths require a great deal of courage. I congratulate you on finding the strength to affirm this new Julian, who can only be more successful and full of clever ideas. And I thank you for your confidence in the JMP team.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisJulian, thank you for sharing, and your courage in telling you story. I hope you feel that JMP is safe space that continues to allow you to be the person you want and need to be. I'm in awe of your courage and commit to be an ally in your journey.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you, Julian. You have been, you are and you will be a very special person. I feel so happy we are not stuck, thanks to the community we live in and work for. Lucky us!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisNamaste, Jules.
In the culture I come from, gender is merely a perceived construct.
Ardhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, INArdhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, INArdhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, INArdhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, INArdhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, INArdhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple., Tamil Nadu, IN
Ardhanarishvara at the Gangaikonda Cholapuram Brihadisvara Temple, Tamil Nadu, IN.
We worship the divine in an androgynous form known as Ardhanarishwara (Sanskrit: "the one whose other half is a woman"). This form, a harmonious blend of Shiva and Shakti in a single body, teaches us that it is possible to transcend gender while embodying both. Shiva represents the unmanifest, the formless consciousness, while Shakti signifies the manifest, the formed energy. Together, they symbolize the unity of creation and destruction, not just in the cosmos but within each individual.
Here is a stanza from the Ardhanarishvara Stotram by Adi Shankara:
प्रपञ्चसृष्ट्युन्मुखला सयकायी समस्तसमाहरकताण्डवाया |
जगज्जनन्यै जगदेकपित्रे नमः शिवायै च नमः शिवाय ||
Prapancha srushtyun muka lasyakayai,
Samastha samharaka thandavaya,
Jagat jananyai Jagatheka pithre,
Nama Shivayai cha namashivaya.
My salutations to both Parvati and Shiva,
To Her whose dance marks the creation of the world,
To Him whose dance destroys everything,
To Her who is the mother of the universe,
To Him who is the father of the universe.
Continue on your beautiful journey.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you for sharing your story with us Julian. I feel so happy for you knowing you are on a journey toward "comfort, authenticity, and happiness".
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThanks for sharing this inspiring story. A lot of people spend their whole life to figure out who they are and I'm just so happy for you that you could finally embrace yourself after a long difficult journey. I'm proud for you!
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisI'm sorry for seeing this so late, but thank you for sharing your journey with us. I really respect your candor, and I know that you are in a perfect place for support. Look forward to working with you as always.
Re: Getting to know: Julian ParrisThank you, Jules! That was courageous, thoughtful and truthful. Thankful for the brilliant and evolving YOU in my JMP life. Chuck
