We’re thinking about making some posters to give to JMP users and need your ideas for jokes about being a JMP user. For example, complete these phrases: * You know you’re a JMP user when... * JMP is like... * JMP, its what’s for... * JMP, the ____ to your _____. Feel free to add your own or contribute any other idea. Thanks!

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Looking for pithy/witty/clever adages/maxims/jokes about being a JMP User

Jeff_Perkinson

We’re thinking about making some posters to give to JMP users and need your ideas for jokes about being a JMP user.

For example, complete these phrases:

You know you’re a JMP user when...
JMP is like...
JMP, its what’s for...
JMP, the ____ to your _____.

Feel free to add your own or contribute any other idea.

Thanks!

Accepted answers

All comments

Bill_Worley

JMP, the tackle to your bait.

Bill_Worley

JMP, the spaceship to your universe.

JMP, the ways to your means.

Peter_Hersh

JMP is the boat to help you navigate your river of data.

Bill_Worley

Using JMP with your data is a lot like getting a new puppy;

You get it home, you clean it, you train it, and then you show it off....repeat as needed.

Peter_Hersh

JMP is like a rudder on a boat it will help you get where you need to be a lot faster.

MikeD_Anderson

Friends don’t let friends use Excel (With the JMP logo in the bottom corner of the poster)

MikeD_Anderson

Hi, I’m JMP. Let’s have a look at your data – for real this time…

MikeD_Anderson

I AM JMP. I HAZ UR ANZWRZ (cat meme style)

MikeD_Anderson

JUST SAY NO TO BAD GRAPHICS. (1980’s DARE style poster with a horrible data graphic)

MikeD_Anderson

It’s 2AM. Your boss has just called you in crisis. You need to analyze a mountain of data, figure out what’s going on, get dressed, maybe eat something, and be in an 8AM meeting to present your findings. You are freaking out and coffee isn’t helping… JMP calmly replies – “We got this.”

brady_brady

(with a photo, like the smiling JMP guy)

JMP makes me better at my job. Can your software do that?

Peter_Bartell

JMP...When it's time to put your big boy pants on.

Peter_Bartell

JMP...like the first time you saw color TV.

chuck_boiler

“Guess what?” (red triangle as a face or on a stick body) “I already know.”

Jeff_Perkinson

These are all great! Keep 'em coming!

MikeD_Anderson

A little historical reference:

"Veni, vidi, novi" (I came, I saw, I know)
"Veni, vidi, didici" (I came, I saw, I learned)

- either with a little jmp man in the lower corner of the poster.

Bill_Worley

JMP - we take the world serious! Picture of the Astros celebrating in the back ground.

Peter_Bartell

Shut it down...go home. Worley has the winner. Although Jon would probably have to back up the Brinks truck to pay the liscensing fees that would be demanded by Major Leage Baseball.

Bill_Worley

Mike,

I like the reference. If I may add a tag line or two.

JMP is the new language of data.....Latin, not so much.

Use JMP to translate your data into useful insights.

martindemel

JMP is the STAR in your data WARS

Picture a man sitting in front of his machine and saying sth like always the same, can you change the report, how about this scenario, ... Aaargh and I could sit together with friends now (a clock in the back showing 6:30 pm)

JMP Man comes by and asks (why are you communicating with your machine and not with the people?

martindemel

something like this

Phil_Kay

JMP users view the world in 15 dimensions. Or more if they can fit all the distribution plots on one screen.

Phil_Kay

The JMP user achieved God-like status by showing colleagues Cols > Recode.